Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Sometimes, dammit, the truth is just funnier

PANTHER RANTS MAIN OFFICE -- As most frequent readers of the Panther Rants blog probably already know, we like to look at the lighter side of our beloved team's antics. We don't intend to be hurtful, or crude, or mean, but sometimes it comes out that way in attempt to be funny. We utilize techniques like parody, satire and straight-up sarcasm.

But sometimes, the truth is sillier than anything we can make up. Take this item in Kevin Gorman's blog on the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review website:

With NCAA rules changes moving kickoffs 5 yards back to the 30-yard line, Pitt has been holding auditions for its specialists. They are going so well that Wannstedt is ready to place a classified ad in the Pitt News:

Wanted: Undergrad with strong leg, capable of kicking a football 70 yards off tee. Must be available on Saturdays (and one Wednesday night). Some travel necessary. To apply, contact special teams coordinator Charlie Partridge at 3450 S. Water St., Pittsburgh, PA 15203.

“Dave Brytus has really come on the last week with his punting and Conor Lee has been good with his field goals,” Wannstedt said, “but we’re still searching for that guy that can kick it in the end zone. So if there is a he or a she that can kick it in the end zone ...”

I mean, what do you say to that, honestly? Well, for starters, no, you don't want someone who can kick into the end zone. You want someone who will kick it to the two or three, so that they can't take a knee i the endzone and bring it out to the 20. Secondly, a program that was so bad in the mid-1990s that it had to resort to putting an ad in the Pitt News for players is now at a point STILL has to put ads in the Pitt News. May I also suggest and Yahoo Hot Jobs as well. And if those don't work out, maybe you could give this little lady a call. Who could forget her game-typing field goal against Kansas in a driving rain and subsequent kick to the nuts in 1991?

Yeah yeah, the least amount of time is spent recruiting kickers and blah blah, yadda yadda. I know. I get it. Still doesn't exactly look good.

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