Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
This Day in History--- Era of Judges: Job Renounces Faith After Years of Pitt Fandom
Uz--- After enduring great torments, including the death of his children, servants, and animals, as well as being afflicted with sores over his entire body, Job remained faithful. However, on this day during the Era of Judges, Job renounced his faith following years of unending torment after being afflicted with the curse of Pitt fandom. During Job's entire 248 years of walking the Earth, he would see Pitt play in a New Year's Day Bowl only twice while witnessing over 107 coaching changes. Despite his torments of following the Panthers, it was not until Archfiend Paterno of Brooklyn afflicted him with the sentence of listening incessantly to his followers in the land of Babel (roughly translated to "Valley of Happiness") that Job's faith succumbed. To this day, the inhabitants of Babel still speak gibberish in worship of their unsightly display of hubris, the Coliseum of Beaver.