Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Women of Pittsburgh Given Evacuation Notice

The City of Pittsburgh, Allegheny County, and all surrounding counties has issued an evacuation notice to all "yinzer" women between the ages of 25-40. This comes from a recent article from the AP of Iowa farmers abusing pigs. A video from the article can be found here. This matter is being investigated.

A separate investigation has been conducted in Iowa where the world's largest truck stop is located. Rumors that men in University of Iowa apparel were seen loading up eighteen-wheelers full of Camel Cigarettes and cases of beer from Coors Light to Michelob Ultra. Pittsburgh women loves this kind of beer because it helps them with weight loss...or so they say. They also like to smoke as well.

The city fears the women may be lured in because the Iowa Hawkeyes apparel is similar to the apparel of the Pittsburgh Steelers. The women may think it's a Steeler home game where Iowa fans will lure this type of prey into their big rigs:

The City of Pittsburgh released this statement:

"The women of Pittsburgh ages 25-40 are to known that the recent incidents involving Iowa farmers abusing pigs may involve them. We set the age limit to twenty-five because that's when yinzer women start going downhill. We have a fear they may be lured by the black and gold of Iowa. Who knows what may happen to them, but maybe we can replace them with more hot chicks. Be sure to notify any yinzer women in the area. Some may be obese, some may wear shirts too sizes too small exposing that beer gut from all the light beer they like to drink. "

1 comment:

Rob said...

WOW... where did you get that picture of the yinzer women? I see nothing has changed since I left the burgh a few years ago.