Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Best Damn WLAT Show Period
Walt: Hello Everyone! Welcome to the "BEST DAMN WLAT SHOW" period! We have a great show for you tonight. We have two new co-hosts to the show. We're also back at Denny's and we have a nice booth set up here.
Kevan Barlow: We also have a new logo as well. I love it.
Walt: Yeah, the Pitt people we hired procrastinated in making us a logo for the show. It goes to show the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when it comes to show logos, team logos, merchandise, uniforms, etc. Anyways Kevan, introduce our two new co-hosts.
Kevan: Our first co-host is a Pitt legend or at least some people think he is. He was the golden boy, the first guy to throw five touchdowns at Notre Dame, and a guy who said he'd run his mom over. Give it up for Tyler Palko!
( crowd applause )
Tyler Palko: Thanks for inviting me on the show.
Kevan: Dude, why do you keep checking your cellphone?
Tyler: To see if anyone needs an "arm". Some practice squad should be calling me soon.
Kevan: It ain't happening. If they need an arm, they'll call the drummer from Def Leppard before they'll call you.
Walt: You know, that guy is a really good drummer. We need a band on this show. He could be the band leader.
Kevan: I thought you invited Kool and the Gang?
Walt: I did, but you remember that scene from Animal House?
Kevan: Do you mind if we dance wif yo dates?
Walt: Exactly. Like Otis Day, they don't know who I am now. Then again, we should head to Carlow after this and find us some women.
Kevan: Speaking of that, I know someone who may need that help. Ladies and Gentlemen, our new co-host, Mr. Tyre Young!
Tyre Young: Thanks for having me as co-host. It's great to be on this show.
Kevan: Well we needed a Michael Strahan for the show. I mean you were a mean defensive player with his share of women problems. The only problem is Mike's not broke like you.
Tyre: What's this me having problems finding women? How did you guys know?
Kevan: Well, it's no big secret. We found this page about you on the web.
Walt: When you're posted on dontdatehimgirl.com, you know you're going to have women troubles. And what's this about making it the NFL? You told your women this?
Tyre: Well, I did leave IUP early because I figured I didn't have much else to accomplish....
Walt: Well...it's only IUP. I can't see what you can accomplish there.
Palko: You left IUP a year early? IUP???? Are you serious?
Tyre: Hey Palko, I saw what Kevan did to you the last show. I can do the same thing you know.
( Palko hides behind Kevan's chair. )
Kevan: It's ok, Tyler. I'll make sure big bad Tyre doesn't get to you.
Walt: I'm not sure about that, Tyler. If it was Nick Goings in that chair, I'd feel more safe.
Kevan: F*** You......
Walt: So Tyre, did you make it to the NFL?
Tyre: No, but I still check my cellphone every hour.
Kevan: I just had this same conversation with Tyler. You both need to let it go.
Walt: Yeah, Kevan "let it go" many times in his career.
( Palko sits back in this chair )
Palko: I don't what I'm worried about. Tyre isn't going to do anything.
Kevan: He may shoot your ass
Palko: No he'll just shoot himself on the way over to me!
( Palko, Barlow, and Young scuffle )
Walt: Well, we're going to have to end this show on a bad note. It was a bad show tonight and I think our team had an issue with preparation. Sometimes you write a script and it just doesn't work. We'll see you next week as I try to make this show into a big time ratings contender. Ladies, remember if your man tries to say he's going to be in the NFL....always take it account that he left a PSAC school early. In other words, don't date him girl!