Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Pitt Wins Despite Unexpected Steeler Changes

BLAWNOX (PR) - Pitt coach Dave Wannstedt was admittedly dumbfounded today following Pitt's 21-20 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers. "In all the years I watched Bubby Brister run the Steeler offense I never knew he was ambidextrous and could move out of the pocket," Wannstedt said from Primanti's in Harmarville. "We've watched every Steeler game film Steve Sabol down at NFL Films could send us from 1988-1991, and we swear Bubby was just your typical slow-ass, righty QB."

With Brister utilizing his new found ambidexterity, and running ability, the Steeler offense kept Pitt's defense off balance. "Yeah, Phil [Bennett] and I were thrown through a loop on that one, kinda like on one of those roller coasters at Kennywood. I like it there, good french fries...speaking of which, they didn't put enough on my Capicola sammitch here." Despite the work of Brister, the Pitt defense adjusted. As did the Primanti's staff, getting Wannstedt his extra fries and an IC Light on the house for the error.

Equally as unexpected was the re-emergence of Terry Bradshaw in the Steeler offense. "Now Terry is a Hall of Famer for a reason, plus he was really funny in that 'Failure to Launch' movie and in that Toby Keith music video," said Wannstedt. "He made some nice throws out there, and I guess he got himself a nice hair transplant because he's got a full mop." The two Louisiana natives split time running the Steeler offense, with Brister getting the nod for most of the second half. "They also had [Ben] Roethlisberger and [Neil] O'Donnell on their roster as well, so they must've really gone all out with their free agency signings this week in preparation for us. Why didn't they cover this on the Tunch and Wolf show?"

Another interesting development came after the game had ended. Wannstedt admittedly made a faux pas when meeting the opposing head coach at mid-field. "I thought Mike Tomlin was black, it really surprised me to see a middle-aged white guy walking to me and acting like the head coach. I'll have to watch Stan Savran on Sportsbeat to figure out what the hell is going on." Last game, Wannstedt was stunned to find himself shaking the hand of a black Marv Levy from Buffalo. Sources indicate that Steelers owner and chairman Dan Rooney intends to investigate the matter thoroughly.


Anonymous said...

big red x

Anonymous said...

I was thinking of Bubby Brister every time the Iowa QB took a snap. Hilarious!

he who took you to bowl games said...

Hey where are those fuckin corn holin pig farmers now baby?

Pitt Outsider West said...

he who took you to bowl games,

They're still corn holing pigs. Not much else to do in Des Moines/Ames/Iowa City/Davenport/Any other Iowa town, they're all the same.