Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

News in Brief - Sept. 10

PITTSBURGH- Former University of Pittsburgh football coach Wlat Harris is listed in stable condition after rupturing his appendix Saturday evening.
Harris was reportedly rushed from his seat at Heinz Field to UPMC-Presbyterian after excessive laughter at Pitt's offense in Saturday's game against Buffalo caused the appendix to burst.
"Coach Harris is resting comfortably and is in good spirits," said a hospital spokeswoman.
A source who allegedly has seats near Harris, who was the Panthers coach from 1997 to 2004, said that Harris was laughing uncontrollably and yelling, "THREE UNDRED FIFTY-TWO YARDS TOTAL? ARE YOU FUCKIN' KIDDING ME?" When he doubled over in pain. Stadium security was then called, who requested paramedics.

OAKLAND- With 10 weeks remaining in the season, the athletic department has announced additional upcoming promotions for a football team worth spending money on about as much as a 300-pound stripper is.
Marketing SomethingorOther Chris Ferris announced Sunday that the Panthers will be hosting Princell Brockenbrough "Bobble Night," against Rutgers on Oct. 25 and "Redneck Appreciation Day" against Louisville in November.
Ferris emphasized that the Brockenbrough promotion is not a "bobblehead" day, meaning the fans would receive lifelife dolls of the former Pitt wide receiver. Instead, anyone who bobbles anything - a football, their game ticket, the airplane bottle of Jack Daniels they're atempting to sneak in - will receive free admission.
"We thought about doing bobbleheads, then realized that we can't afford it and...seriously, who is showing up for Princell Brockenbrough bobbleheads?" Ferris asked.
For Redneck Appreciation Day, anyone who arrives to the stadium wearing a shirt missing sleeves, or in Wrangler jeans, or in a pickup truck with those stupid-assed plastic testicles hanging from the pumper hitch (more commonly known as "truck nutz") will be admitted into the stadium for $1.
"Given the demographics of Pittsburgh and western Pensylvania, we expect a fairly significant crowd for this game," Ferris said.

No comments: