Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Wannstedt Suspends Football Program for USF Game, Possibly Second Half of Syracuse Game

Pittsburgh, PA --- Citing the deepening crisis in the financial markets, University of Pittsburgh Head Football Coach Dave Wannstedt has suspended the Pitt Football program for its upcoming game against South Florida. “My friends, now is the time for our league to come together as Big East Brothers to help solve this deepening financial crisis. And really, the only way to do that is to cancel the upcoming South Florida game. That, or call it a draw.” When advised of Coach Wannstedt’s unilateral suspension of the game, South Florida coach Jim Leavitt was puzzled, citing the fact that to date Wannstedt hadn’t show the slightest interest in economics, had little control over the situation, and that as a coach he should be able to handle more than one thing at a time. Wannstedt said that he hoped to be able to schedule the game at a later date, perhaps after Pitt has secured a bowl bid.

Coach Wannstedt added that depending on how the market goes, he may need to suspend the second half of this weekend's Pitt game against Syracuse as well. “We’ll be watching the ticker very closely for any fluctuations. Signs of an impending crash can be very subtle, so we may need to cancel the second half even if the market is booming.” When told that the stock market will not even be open on Saturday during the game, Wannstedt simply said that he would be taking no further questions.


Aaron said...

Clearly, Coach Dave should be nominated for the "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year" award. Enter him here:

Anonymous said...

who knew Leavitt was a pinky left wing liberal. what a fag.

no wonder he has that funny hair - it's to hide the horns.