Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, September 22, 2008

SLAP 10!

After another exciting week of College Football, let's see who made the honor roll.......

10. Fresno State

The only reason why you're on this list is because I needed a 10 honorees. How in the hell do you go from beating Rutgers convincingly to needing overtime to beat Toledo? That's why you're a mid-major. The BCS teams don't take you serious enough and the non-BCS teams want to beat you.

9. Sylvester Croom

You came off a nice season last year. Now you're 1-3. Things aren't going to get any better as the SEC conference play is starting. You might want start updating that resume in case.

8. Iowa

Pitt felt so bad for you that they let you come back and take a three point lead. Your offensive line looked almost like the Steelers' offensive line. If this keeps up, I bet Big Ben will regret that contract extension. Hell his career might be shortened. As for Mr. Ferentz, I guess those Penn State rumors aren't really true......

7. Steve Spurrier

Nice win over Wofford....seriously.

6. Bill Stewart

So let me get this straight......Noel Devine is punishing the Colorado defense. You have a critical 3rd and 1 where it's pretty obvious you need the ball in the hands of Devine or Pat White. Instead, you pull Devine and let some other slap run for a short loss. You might be Foge Fazio re-incarnated. I think maybe the WVU administration should have pulled all the strings to keep Rich-Rod. I guess 13-9 was no fluke. No John Denver Bowl trophy for you......

5. Auburn

Nice defensive showing the second half. I guess Paul Rhoads' pogo stick was working good enough. Not enough air on those jumps. I guess that's why you lost. There's a reason you hate Alabama. They're everything you wish you would be.

4. Rutgers

It can't get any worse for you guys. At least you didn't lose to Navy in a shootout like Pitt did last year. So what biblical references will Greg Schiano use now? Rutgers season headed into armageddon? Better keep an eye on that recruiting class. It may get a little smaller as the season unfolds.

3. East Carolina

I guess there will be no mention of you guys playing for the national title. You guys came close last week, but then finally bit the bullet against a bad NC State team. Up 21-17 and a chance to kick field goal to go up a touchdown, you go for it. Not to mention you guys got stopped and gave NC State all the momentum. Enjoy the CUSA title game. Maybe we'll invite you to the Big East one day....

2. Mike Teel

Mike showed us the leadership and composure qualities of a quarterback. When things go wrong, just punch one of your teammates. I'm not sure why you'd do that. It's not their fault you suck. Greg Leonard and Ray Rice won't be there to bail you out this year. Have fun turning that corner. Just don't turn the ball over again.

1. Pat Mcafee

Look if you want to follow in the footsteps of Mike Vangerjagt as a choking kicker
, you need to make it to the pros first. You can't choke in college unless one of your teammates did that to you after this game. Another easy field goal missed. Why do you do this to yourself? Do you like the abuse from the fans? Are you getting back at someone? You didn't get enough attention? You know you and Mike Vanderjagt went to the same college....West Virgina.

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