Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Meeting of the Biquarterion

The Biquarterion is a group of once powerful Big East mascots. They meet in Jake Crouthamel's old clubhouse. They control absolutely nothing and don't plan on it in the future.

Hello Everyone, glad to see everyone has made it to our first meeting. This is good because we have plenty to accomplish for this upcoming season

What exactly do we have to accomplish?

Well one thing Red Storm is to why you guys even still bother to field a basketball team in our conference. I mean look at you, you're just a logo. You don't have a presence of any type of being or thing!

Our course we do, we're the Red Storm. We were featured in "Coming to America". Many great players like Kenyon Martin and Ron Artest have come from our program.

Sure you are.....and do.....

What the hell is a Red Storm?

I can tell you what a Red Storm is. They were serving them at $1.25 at the Golic's house. I'm looking forward to playing your team, Roc. The Panthers are looking good so far.

Hey drunken Mick, I'm Wildcat. Roc hangs with the other group.

Oh yeah....wait where the hell am I? What are we doing again? Who is this cookie monster lookalike over here? Am I in a episode of Sesame Street?

Oh Pleasth....Thsilly! I'm Blue Demon! Your "in the conference" brother!

My "in the closet" brother?

Ok Guys, enough bickering. We came to discuss what we need to accomplish. The Octonion has gained total power the last decade. Letting go Miami, Boston College, and Virginia Tech didn't help. The Octonion also has basketball teams better than us. So how will you help me accomplish going power again?

Haaaarrrrrrrrr maties!!!! We plan to sail out to other kingdoms to defeat thee and take the precious treasue of Madison Square! Then we'll sail to take the greatest treasure of them all!!!!

NIT Championship?

Most likey thee it will be.

I tawt I taw a putty tat!

Jesus, I have to talk to Otto about joining the football conference. I can't take this much longer. Golden Eagle, will your team be competitive since Dominic James retired?

Dominic tw'ied to gain a 10th year of eligibility due to his injuries from excessive
flopping. It was either him or Eric Devendorf. They wanted Eric instead. Otherwise, we should make the Big Dance and lose in the first round at best.

Hoya, you might be on to something. How does a football member get their player an extra year of eligibilty when one of ours can't?

You boysth a thso silly! Mike Cook didn't get an extra year and you don't see Roc here being paranoid.


OOOOOH a freaker! I better watch out for you!

My sons, please stop fighting. We must play and pray together and the Kingdom of the East is ours!

Friar, go sit with Red Storm. We're not expecting much from you guys either.

I forgive you my son! A conference divided will fall if we don't act now!

What ta goofy ol' man talkin bout?

With King Tranghese gone, the football and basketball schools might split. Which means we might have to merge with the Atlantic 10 or the Patriot League. Who are you? Where's Golden Eagle?

Golden Eagle is dead. He flew into a powerline when he tried to stop Tom Cream from going to Indiana. This is his son.

So what are we going to do?

What we usually do.

What's that? I'm not worried. We'll go independent in basketball and schedule cupcake teams.

My team will make a run at the conference title and the final four, Nova will make the big dance where they'll have to play in North Carolina and get screwed over by ACC officials, Marquette may make the dance as will the Irish, Depaul and Seton Hall will do whatever, Providence may show some progress this year, and St. Johns will field a basketball team.

We have a team.

We bet you do......

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