Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Weekly Update with Foge!

MONESSEN (PR) We caught up with Foge at La Eda’s Restaurant in Monessen. Foge was eating baked ziti with sausage and loved it.

PR: What brings you to the Mon Valley?

FF: I just love this place. La Eda’s is a great restaurant and I kind of do a tour of restaurants serving good Italian cuisine. Plus, the Mon Valley is about as innovative and forward thinking as Matt Cavanaugh’s offensive play calling. So it put me in the mood to visit this dinosaur of a place.

PR: What were your thoughts about the Buffalo game?

FF: They did show improvement and that is what is expected from week one to week two. But in my opinion not enough improvement was made.

PR: We all know that Dave likes fish sandwiches, are you taking him anything back from here?

FF: Oh yeah definitely. Dave is going to be staying away from fish for a while. He is getting the Chicken Parmesan with a side of pasta and a large salad with cheese.

PR: Does the comments from Dave saying, “the team is only 60-70% of where we should be now”, concern you?

FF: Most definitely! I mean, he has had almost 9 months since the WVU game to get his team to where they need to be. That is on him and his staff to prepare the team to play the games. It is nice that Dave is making changes, but cassette tapes from 80’s bands can only take you so far.

PR: How about this one from Dave? “ The kids were not going to get down at halftime like they did against Bowling Green.” What was Dave doing at halftime against Bowling Green and what tricks did he employ at halftime against Buffalo?

FF: Well, you know I was in the booth but it is my understanding that at halftime against Bowling Green he was trying out a new wax for his 89 Camaro, IROC Z. He was very pleased with it by the way. But, he felt so comfortable with the 3-point lead that he built up that he just went out and rubbed on some wax. Last week, against the Bulls he actually stayed in the locker room and just talked to his team. That with the senior leaders and Shady was enough for them not to get down on themselves.

PR: Have you heard of any changes from coach for the next week?

FF: A few things that I overheard. He is seriously thinking going Jimmy Buffett style and go with a pencil thin mustache. We shall see. Also, he realizes that he we have an open week this Saturday. So he is going to gather the team to watch some games.

PR: That’s great, maybe a little scouting work with the likes of Iowa St vs. Iowa, PSU vs. Syracuse, Navy at Duke, Michigan vs. Notre Dame, Virginia vs. Connecticut they can comment on things that they see as they all watch these games together.

FF: Hahahehe, you really are hilarious. Dave isn’t watching those games. He is bringing out old films of his days with the Miami (Hurricanes and Dolphins), the Bears and the Cowboys (Dallas and Oklahoma St.) C’mon fellas you know how much he loves to live in the 80’s. Damn it didn’t I tell you that he was waxing his IROC Z during halftime against Bowling Green.

PR: Easy Foge, take a sip of your wine.

PR: OK, let's break down certain aspects of the team and grade them.

PR: Coaching?

FF: C-; did show some improvement. Albeit minor. Still need to get more work for Baldwin and Cross should have come in for at least 6 plays. But I guess he is going to use him for Iowa.

Offensive play calling was still brutal. The game plan, if you can call it that, was ultra conservative. Open up with a play action pass, No Greg Cross, No imagination, NO STUGOTS! I read where you picked up on some of Matt’s phobias. Not sure about the deal with Rooney, but it makes sense. He avoids that area like a hippie avoids Dial!

Defensive play calling; almost as bad. Not enough blitzing. Corners still way to far off the ball. I thought Rhoads was in Alabama?

PR: Special Teams?

FF: B-; It could’ve been better but the 1st kickoff went out of bounce. I thought Jason Biggs was the kid that played Jim Levenstein in the American Pie flicks. (Actually Pitt used kicker Luke Briggs) Hey, how about that apple pie trick that his dad caught him at? Brutus (Brytus) still stinks and Berry missed another punt. Connor Lee was much better. Thank goodness!

PR: Offensive line?

FF: C-; Joe Thomas with yet another underwhelming effort. It was so nice to see Nix dominate for 2 plays before they returned to the Teaberry Shuffling Thomas.

PR: Receivers?

FF: B+; TJ Porter was good. Cedric had the fantastic catch that saved the game in my opinion and O Turner and Kinder were pretty good as well.

PR: Running backs?

FF: B- Shady looked good, but I’d still like to see him just run straight once he breaks the line instead of trying to run straight to the sideline.

PR: Quarterback?

FF: C+ Not bad, but again, Cav will not allow him to throw crossing routes or slants. So, until then he will be coddled and we will struggle with the entire offense. I am slightly encouraged at what I saw though. Although, it’s time to get rid of the little beard and earring. It makes him look like a finook.

PR: Overall Defense?

FF: C+; The front four got dominated by Buffalo. I know that Mick Williams, who has amassed more time in the tub than any other Pitt player in its history, was out but c’mon you have to stop Buffalo better.

Linebackers: C-: Ok, Austin Powers (Ransom) is just getting killed. When is that tough kid from Hazelwood coming back? Bonasorte never should miss games.

PR: Excuse me, Foge, it’s Shane Murray.

FF: Oh yeah Murray, whatever. Hazelwood kids should be much tougher. Plus, throw Tristan Roberts out there every once in a while. Mckillop earned the Big East player of the week. I wonder if they will show the ole’ that the Buffalo QB threw on him. He needs to come of off blocks better.

Secondary: C-. After more misses from DeCicco, Fields finally comes in only to get burnt by a blown assignment. Although the QB was only allowed to pump fake the ball 11 times. Reminded me of the old three on three, back yard football I played when I was young.

PR: Where do they go from here?

FF: Well, Iowa is a big step up from the two teams that they played. However, maybe we can offer some dope and booze to their players and that should help even the playing field. Personally, I think that we can get by these Corn Eaters.

If not look for more vitriol towards this staff.

Guys, I have to go pay my bill. See ya!

PR: Bye Foge, we’ll see you next week.

No comments: