Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Ask Wlat - May 25

Panthers Rants proudly presents "Ask Wlat," a weekly feature where the former Pitt coach answers fan mail from his throngs of many admirers. Wlat is writing to us from his 65-foot, "The Wlatanic" as he takes it throughthe Panama Canal so that he can dock it for the summer near Mons Venus.

Mr. Harris,

If you had to chose one song that told the epic story of your life what would it be?


Ace of Base

ps. "All That She Wants" is a great ballad
Dear Ace,
Thanks for the mail. I think the song that I've linked below says it all. It really tells the story of me and Steve Peterson quite well, you know. You can feel my pain in the way that guy who looks like a Chauncey's bartender sings.
Dear Wlat,
Lair or Scout?
One Deathly Sick Guru
Dear Guru,
Thanks for the message. I used to love the old Locker Room crew back in the day on the lair. You know, those guys (and gals) were really a trip, and nothing was off limits, you know, to those guys. Here's something interesting that I'll bet you didn't know: the coaches used to log on and, you know, read that board after practice. There wasn't a "Who Would You Hit First" poll that I didn't vote on.
Then, you know, the folks who run the site got tired of having an audience and a hit count and shut the place down. They banned a lot of the members too. Since then, you know, it hasn't been the same, and its the same sniping and bellyaching about Penn State this, script that, stadium this...I'm not partial to either of them now.
dear wlat,
what is the quintessential buttrock band in your opinion?
Hey jackass,
Depends. Are talking Hair Butt Rock or Classic Butt Rock? If we're talking classic butt rock I don't know how you can't for, you know, for the Steve Miller Band. I mean think about it, have you ever been able to get your car fixed, or your roof repaired or new deck put on your house without those slaps crankin' up some "Fly Like an Eagle?" Funny story: I had the day off last summer and work up to the sounds of Steve Miller's "Jet Airliner" and a circular saw. "Who's getting soffit and facia," I thought aloud.
Sure e-fucking-nough, I look out the window and it's a sea of butt crack, tank top and F-150. Looked like a Goddam West Virginia wedding.
If we're going hair bands you gotta go with Poison. They had it all, you know. Spandex, Aqua Net hair, pyrotechnics, the works. And they were quite versatile in their music. You had the rocking out hard sounds of "nothing but a good time," and yet they went ballad on our ass and gave us "Every Rose has it's thorn." Not to mention, I'm baised. Do you have ANY idea how many booster's wive's I got into the back of my Oldsmobile Toronado with "Tlak Dirty to me."
Well, the boat's a floatin' into Panama and that can only mean one thing: cheap hookers. Everyone have a happy and safe Memorial Day weekend and remember, it's never wise to tell "Fire" in a crowded movie theater and it's even worse to go to a Memorial Day parade and yell...
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jim Snyder has a tiny penis.