Butt Rock Friday - Syracuse Edition

Don't know if you've noticed but Syracuse sucks. And so we really felt the need to find the shittiest of shitty songs for this week's Butt Rock Friday. A song that crosses from Butt Rock into just straight up ass, which is what Syracuse football is, has been and will be.

So here's Dio with what Syracuse's been since Paul Pasqualoni left town, "Last in Line."

Meeting of the Biquarterion

The Biquarterion is a group of once powerful Big East mascots. They meet in Jake Crouthamel's old clubhouse. They control absolutely nothing and don't plan on it in the future.


Hello Everyone, glad to see everyone has made it to our first meeting. This is good because we have plenty to accomplish for this upcoming season





What exactly do we have to accomplish?





Well one thing Red Storm is to why you guys even still bother to field a basketball team in our conference. I mean look at you, you're just a logo. You don't have a presence of any type of being or thing!




Our course we do, we're the Red Storm. We were featured in "Coming to America". Many great players like Kenyon Martin and Ron Artest have come from our program.




Sure you are.....and do.....





What the hell is a Red Storm?





I can tell you what a Red Storm is. They were serving them at $1.25 at the Golic's house. I'm looking forward to playing your team, Roc. The Panthers are looking good so far.







Hey drunken Mick, I'm Wildcat. Roc hangs with the other group.






Oh yeah....wait where the hell am I? What are we doing again? Who is this cookie monster lookalike over here? Am I in a episode of Sesame Street?







Oh Pleasth....Thsilly! I'm Blue Demon! Your "in the conference" brother!






My "in the closet" brother?





Ok Guys, enough bickering. We came to discuss what we need to accomplish. The Octonion has gained total power the last decade. Letting go Miami, Boston College, and Virginia Tech didn't help. The Octonion also has basketball teams better than us. So how will you help me accomplish going power again?





Haaaarrrrrrrrr maties!!!! We plan to sail out to other kingdoms to defeat thee and take the precious treasue of Madison Square! Then we'll sail to take the greatest treasure of them all!!!!





NIT Championship?







Most likey thee it will be.







I tawt I taw a putty tat!





Jesus, I have to talk to Otto about joining the football conference. I can't take this much longer. Golden Eagle, will your team be competitive since Dominic James retired?



Dominic tw'ied to gain a 10th year of eligibility due to his injuries from excessive
flopping. It was either him or Eric Devendorf. They wanted Eric instead. Otherwise, we should make the Big Dance and lose in the first round at best.




Hoya, you might be on to something. How does a football member get their player an extra year of eligibilty when one of ours can't?






You boysth a thso silly! Mike Cook didn't get an extra year and you don't see Roc here being paranoid.






I'M A WILDCAT DAMMIT! A FREAKING WILDCAT!!!






OOOOOH a freaker! I better watch out for you!







My sons, please stop fighting. We must play and pray together and the Kingdom of the East is ours!




Friar, go sit with Red Storm. We're not expecting much from you guys either.






I forgive you my son! A conference divided will fall if we don't act now!







What ta goofy ol' man talkin bout?





With King Tranghese gone, the football and basketball schools might split. Which means we might have to merge with the Atlantic 10 or the Patriot League. Who are you? Where's Golden Eagle?





Golden Eagle is dead. He flew into a powerline when he tried to stop Tom Cream from going to Indiana. This is his son.






So what are we going to do?






What we usually do.





What's that? I'm not worried. We'll go independent in basketball and schedule cupcake teams.




My team will make a run at the conference title and the final four, Nova will make the big dance where they'll have to play in North Carolina and get screwed over by ACC officials, Marquette may make the dance as will the Irish, Depaul and Seton Hall will do whatever, Providence may show some progress this year, and St. Johns will field a basketball team.




We have a team.







We bet you do......

Wannstedt Suspends Football Program for USF Game, Possibly Second Half of Syracuse Game

Pittsburgh, PA --- Citing the deepening crisis in the financial markets, University of Pittsburgh Head Football Coach Dave Wannstedt has suspended the Pitt Football program for its upcoming game against South Florida. “My friends, now is the time for our league to come together as Big East Brothers to help solve this deepening financial crisis. And really, the only way to do that is to cancel the upcoming South Florida game. That, or call it a draw.” When advised of Coach Wannstedt’s unilateral suspension of the game, South Florida coach Jim Leavitt was puzzled, citing the fact that to date Wannstedt hadn’t show the slightest interest in economics, had little control over the situation, and that as a coach he should be able to handle more than one thing at a time. Wannstedt said that he hoped to be able to schedule the game at a later date, perhaps after Pitt has secured a bowl bid.

Coach Wannstedt added that depending on how the market goes, he may need to suspend the second half of this weekend's Pitt game against Syracuse as well. “We’ll be watching the ticker very closely for any fluctuations. Signs of an impending crash can be very subtle, so we may need to cancel the second half even if the market is booming.” When told that the stock market will not even be open on Saturday during the game, Wannstedt simply said that he would be taking no further questions.

Weekly Update With Foge

White Oak (PR) Foge took time last week to do a little relaxing and play golf. We caught up with him at Luciano’s in White Oak.

PR: Why Luciano’s?

FF: They have excellent pizza and I have been in the mood for a good massage. Kyoto Spa is right down the road. I can kill two birds with one stone.

PR: Happy Ending?

FF: No Comment

PR: What are you taking back for Wanny?

FF: He wanted a Pizza with pepperoni and anchovies, but I will not allow any fish. That is well documented here about the fish. I substituted mushrooms, so he’ll get a pep and mush pizza.

PR: To the game, was it as big a win that everybody is making it out to be?

FF: Absolutely! I mean any win that Dave gets is a big win. He is not even at .500 yet. So yes, it is a big win. Plus, Iowa is from the most overrated conference in the country so Pitt will get some credit for this win nationally.

PR: Were you impressed with the offense?

FF: From what I heard Cavanaugh did not make it to the game until the second quarter. I heard that a certain ex-coach was calling our plays from his seat. When Matt arrived, he promptly took over but was slurring his play calls.

PR: Can you elaborate as to where Matt was for the first quarter?

FF: No, but I think Steve P sent him to the Kyoto spa.

PR: Did he leave early?

FF: From what I understand, there was a brief exit in the 4th quarter but he was back in time to call the plays at the 2:44 mark.

PR: What do you think of Cav’s bubble screen passes to the WR?

FF: If Cav ever calls another screen, flanker screen or bubble screen, he should be handcuffed and led from the stadium. That play has not worked all year or last year for that matter.

PR: Did you see where Dave was asked about Greg Cross and he responded we had about 6 plays for him but just didn’t have the right time to use him? What are your thoughts about that?

FF: I am not sure when the right time to use him would be then. I mean, the kid as quick feet, scored a spectacular TD on his first play but then sits for the rest of the game sans one awful play call at the end. I just have to keep asking coach about it. Maybe ¾ of the game he should be in there and Billy Stull should sit.

PR: What do you think about Bill Stull?

FF: His name fits him. Bill Stull, stall; get it.

PR: Yeah, we get it Foge.

FF: I mean he’s okay, but damn it, he’s as fidgety as Wyndell Williams in a prison shower. The minute he sees a defensive player, the ball is over thrown, under thrown or he just freezes to get smashed. I can’t believe that Pat Bostick could not beat him out. He had a rough game.

PR: What do you make of Shady’s fumblitis?

FF: Not sure. He just has to start holding onto the ball. Case closed.

PR: Scott Mckillop getting handled and missing more tackles?

FF: Scott was up and down and still needs to be more consistent. He did have another ole’ miss of a quarterback. He says all of the right things, however. Uses all of the right clichés. He’ll make an excellent coach or politician one day.

PR: What about Kirk Ferentz’s coaching?

FF: Wow! When you make 3 mill and coach the way he does, it’s amazing he is still employed. Any time Dave out coaches somebody it’s an eye opener. Kind of like the blind leading the blind but hey Dave was the best coach on the field yesterday. With the exception of a former ex-coach, who called the plays in the first quarter.

PR: Can we beat a horrible Syracuse team by at least 2 touchdowns?

FF: I think so, but if anyone can bitch this thing up Wanny and Cavvy can. In all honesty Fralic, Hillgrove, myself and eight slobs from the Original Hot Dog Shop can go up to Syracuse and win. They just beat Northeastern by 6 points last week. I would say that with Pitt’s players, they should win by 24 (37-13). With Wanny and Cavvy at the help, look for Pitt to win 26-17.

Well, thanks Foge for being able to sit down with us this week. We’ll see you next week and uh, hey where is that massage place?

Dave Wannstedt Press Conference

Dave Wannstedt had his weekly press conference where he discusses the Iowa game and the upcoming Syracuse game. Panther Rants was there to bring you the highlights of his press conference.

On the Iowa Win:

"It was a good win for the program. I usually don't do well off bye weeks. Mainly because, I'm too busy driving my Pontiac Trans AM while listening to some Jerry Reed. The weather is good for this kind of driving and we're always on some good missions. One time, we drove all the way to Texas for these gigantic fish sandwiches. Cav is usually driving the big rig and he's always my lookout for speed traps.

We stuck to our usual game plan: to get a nice lead and hope the other team doesn't come back and beat us. I felt bad for the Iowa offensive line because they had play in Philadelphia the next day to prevent Ben Roethlisberger from being spiked to the ground."

On the upcoming Syracuse game:

"This should be a big test for our team because it is a conference road game. The game is in a hostile environment called the Orange Dome. They have a solid football team and a good coach in Greg Robinson. Syracuse is close to being on track to getting better. They just need to give Greg some more time. His team is coming off an emotional win against Northeastern. They lost to a MAC powerhouse in Akron which is never an easy game. "

Making Game Plans for Syracuse:

"We'll continue to get ahead early and see how much we can outsmart the Syracuse coaching staff. A bid to the International Bowl may be on the line for the both of us this game. They've had trouble scoring points and it comes down to execution. We want to be cautious in case they make great execution. Last time we playing in the dome, Larod Stephens was "still running". Their quarterbacks seemed to be an upgrade over Perry Patterson and Anthony Smith is already guaranteeing a win.

They came close to beating us last year so we'll need to keep to offensive game plan simple. We don't need turnovers. Turnovers were big in the Iowa game. I'm always preaching turnovers to you guys, but you don't seem to get it."

"I is Antnee....And I is have a website..."

Thank you, Anthony Morelli.

Or should we say Anthony Michael Morelli.

During a week where Pitt actually won and we have very little to bitch and make fun of. During a week where we are gearing up to play a Syracuse team that's so bad that we can barely muster the enthusiasm to make fun of them (but we will anyways). During a week where we expect few people reading our site because Pitt fans rarely bitch on blogs after wins and Syracuse only has 16 fans left, Morelli comes through in the clutch.

Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you, Anthony Morelli dawt....org?

Yes, the former Penn State quarterback done started himself a website. And even though there is a disclaimer saying that the site is not afiliated with Morelli in any way, given some of the entries on the site we can only believe that he's the one performing writing and editing duties. First of all, what "fan" gives enough of a damn to start an Anthony Morelli site? Even he most diehard of Penn State twits wouldn't bother with this. And if they did it wouldn't be for Morelli.

Sccondly, take this gem from his home page:

Anthony Morelli on Penn State's third play from scrimmage in the 2006 season-opener against Akron, Anthony Morelli stepped back for his first pass as the Nittany Lions' starter and threw a picture-perfect 42-yard scoring strike to Deon Butler to begin a successful day and season for the record-breaking quarterback.

Holy jumpin' shitballs. Apparently Anthony Morelli, or whomever is doing the prose for Anthony Morelli, is a big fan of the full name of Anthony Morelli because Anthony Morelli is not once abbreviated to Anthony Morelli's last name anywhere in the paragraph on Anthony Morelli on the home page of Anthony Morelli dawt owrg. We are also told in the "video" section of the site that, "Some of Anthony Morelli Videos might take some time while loading. Please wait for Anthony Morelli videos to load."

Yeah, we'll get right on that.

Still, we have to wonder what the hell the impetus was behind starting this site. Certainly Morelli didn't think there'd be a big market for former Fat 10 Conference slightly above average quarterbacks, did he? There's no BillyDicken.org, or JeffSmoker.org, or ZachMills.org. And he might want update the sonofabitch, being that he's not currently on the Arizona Cardinals roster...or any other team's for that matter.

But at least he finally got one thing right: he says that he attended "Penn State University" on his bio. Well, better late than never I guess.

SLAP 10!

After another exciting week of College Football, let's see who made the honor roll.......

10. Fresno State

The only reason why you're on this list is because I needed a 10 honorees. How in the hell do you go from beating Rutgers convincingly to needing overtime to beat Toledo? That's why you're a mid-major. The BCS teams don't take you serious enough and the non-BCS teams want to beat you.

9. Sylvester Croom

You came off a nice season last year. Now you're 1-3. Things aren't going to get any better as the SEC conference play is starting. You might want start updating that resume in case.

8. Iowa

Pitt felt so bad for you that they let you come back and take a three point lead. Your offensive line looked almost like the Steelers' offensive line. If this keeps up, I bet Big Ben will regret that contract extension. Hell his career might be shortened. As for Mr. Ferentz, I guess those Penn State rumors aren't really true......

7. Steve Spurrier

Nice win over Wofford....seriously.

6. Bill Stewart

So let me get this straight......Noel Devine is punishing the Colorado defense. You have a critical 3rd and 1 where it's pretty obvious you need the ball in the hands of Devine or Pat White. Instead, you pull Devine and let some other slap run for a short loss. You might be Foge Fazio re-incarnated. I think maybe the WVU administration should have pulled all the strings to keep Rich-Rod. I guess 13-9 was no fluke. No John Denver Bowl trophy for you......

5. Auburn

Nice defensive showing the second half. I guess Paul Rhoads' pogo stick was working good enough. Not enough air on those jumps. I guess that's why you lost. There's a reason you hate Alabama. They're everything you wish you would be.

4. Rutgers

It can't get any worse for you guys. At least you didn't lose to Navy in a shootout like Pitt did last year. So what biblical references will Greg Schiano use now? Rutgers season headed into armageddon? Better keep an eye on that recruiting class. It may get a little smaller as the season unfolds.

3. East Carolina

I guess there will be no mention of you guys playing for the national title. You guys came close last week, but then finally bit the bullet against a bad NC State team. Up 21-17 and a chance to kick field goal to go up a touchdown, you go for it. Not to mention you guys got stopped and gave NC State all the momentum. Enjoy the CUSA title game. Maybe we'll invite you to the Big East one day....

2. Mike Teel

Mike showed us the leadership and composure qualities of a quarterback. When things go wrong, just punch one of your teammates. I'm not sure why you'd do that. It's not their fault you suck. Greg Leonard and Ray Rice won't be there to bail you out this year. Have fun turning that corner. Just don't turn the ball over again.

1. Pat Mcafee

Look if you want to follow in the footsteps of Mike Vangerjagt as a choking kicker, you need to make it to the pros first. You can't choke in college unless one of your teammates did that to you after this game. Another easy field goal missed. Why do you do this to yourself? Do you like the abuse from the fans? Are you getting back at someone? You didn't get enough attention? You know you and Mike Vanderjagt went to the same college....West Virgina.