Big East Stock Market

Let's take a look at this week's stock market to see what are good stocks to buy/sell...or ones to stay away from.........

1. Pittsburgh

Their stock is getting higher and higher every week. They're 5-1 after sinking the Midshipmen and they are heading home to play Rutgers this Saturday. We all remember 2006 pretty well. Pitt was 6-1 and hosting Rutgers. After cutting the lead to 13-10, Ray Rice was "still running". Ray Rice is gone and so is the rest of that 2006 team.

The only worry is that Rutgers will most likely will stack the line where Pitt may rely on Bill Stull to move the ball. Stull has played well enough the last two games to avoid any abuse from this blog so we'll leave him alone.

Advice: If you have stock, keep it. It may keep going up if Pitt wins. If you're fearful of a 2006 repeat, sell it.

2. South Florida

South Florida is coming off a crushing win against Syracuse and they head to Louisville this Saturday. Their stock took a big hit against Pitt, but was a benefactor of a recent bailout against Syracuse. Stockholders can now feel good about themselves driving their expensive cars and filling up with the highest grade of gas.

Advice: Buy it. If you already have it, keep it.

3. West Virginia

The Hoopies play the Auburn Tigers this week. Both of these teams have one thing in common: They get no respect. The only difference is the Auburn fanbase has a lot more self-respect. Paul Rhodes is their defensive coordinator so we could see some more boos from the Mountaineer fans if they can't move the ball. Not to mention, Pat White is pretty fragile as of late.

Advice: Sell

4. Connecticut

Last week was every UConn stockholder's nightmare. A loss to Rutgers caused their stock to plummet big time. Their kicker got the Pat Mcafee syndrome and went on this miss three field goals. They're at home against Cincinnati who is still awaiting word on Ben Mauk's eligibility.

Advice: Their price has gone down. You can buy it for a bargain. If they win this Saturday, good for you. If not, trade it in for a value meal at Wendy's.

5. Cincinnati

They come off a win against Rutgers and head to Connecticut. They have their issues at quarterback. They head to Storrs where they'll hear a loud fanbase and "Welcome to the Jungle" blasting while they are in the huddle or about to snap the ball. They currently have more wins than the Bengals.

Advice: Sell it.

6. Louisville

They had another shootout with Middle Tennessee State and they get to host South Florida. Louisville's defense has more holes than Bonny and Clyde after a police chase. Their offense improves each week, but it could be the defense that holds them back.

Advice: Sell

7. Rutgers

If you were crazy enough to hold on to their stock, then you must have forgotten to take your meds. They play Pitt this Saturday and have won their last three meetings against them. Things haven't been good for Rutgers this season. They're off to a bad start and their stadium expansion plans are being revised.

Advice: Sell. It may buy you some club seats if the stadium ever expands.

8. Syracuse

The have a bye week. That's only good thing we can say about them right now.

Advice: Liquidation Sale on "The Express" DVD's are coming to a video store near you.

SLAP 10!

Another weekend of College Football has went by, and there weren't as many bitchups this time around. It was just the usual gang of slaps doing what they do best: Giving us all something to poke fun at or to complain about.

Before we start, we sadly announce the retirement of Clemson from the SLAP 10. Clemson bitched up so bad, Tommy Bowden offered his resignation. The only people that seem to be happy about it are the fans and their quarterback along with his daddy. I didn't know Anthony Morelli gained another year of eligibility.

So here's the honor roll for this week:

10. San Diego State

Look, we needed ten teams for this poll. After all, you had over 60 points racked on you. It's far cry from almost beating ND. Its a shame you didn't because they're still in the BCS hunt.

9. Washington State

We didn't know you guys still played football. Glad to see you're still around. It could be worse. Ty Willingham could be your coach.

8. UTEP

I think Tulsa just scored another touchdown on you. Is Mike Price still hanging out at the strip clubs? I know he's gotta be loving it in Texas.

7. Buffalo

I guess we could put all those Turner Gill coaching rumors away.

6. Cal

I think it's best you avoid the Top 25 polls for while. Every time you're ranked, you seem to do something to get yourself kicked out of the polls. Enjoy being second to USC, UCLA will be passing you by in a year or two.

5. Boston Red Sox

Yeah....you are our honorary non-football guest. Great season and great comeback. This fall hasn't been too kind for you. First, Tom Brady goes down. Now, you lose to the Devil Rays. I imagine Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are spooning in bed sobbing in tears. I can hardly wait for the Bill Simmons article where he compares this loss to some other Boston team choking with some pop culture references.

4. Michigan Teams in the FAT 10

Bad weekend for you guys. Let's recap:

-- Michigan State's battle with OSU lasted a little longer than Mike Tyson's opponents in the 80's. You guys were in it after the opening kickoff. I mean the Battle of San Jacinto lasted longer than this game. That battle lasted 18 minutes. After that, USA won the state of Texas. Just imagine if you'd made some plays. You could have had the Big Ten title....maybe. Somewhere, Mike Valenti had to be crying in the stands.

-- As for Michigan, DickRod has a 17-7 lead and basically drops eight back to let Penn State run the ball down the field to make it 17-14 lead into halftime. To make things better, you change quarterbacks. You must be begging for a buyout. I enjoy seeing you make that classic "DickRod Face" after every bitchup.

3. BYU

One Utah team down, another one left to go.......

2. UConn

Sounds like your kicker is suffering from the Mcafee Syndrome. Three missed field goals? Thanks for giving Rutgers a lot of confidence as they head to Heinz Field this Saturday.

1. SEC Officials

This South Carolina-LSU game reminded me of that part from the movie "Mr Mom". Michael Keaton has to attend a party for his wife's work that happens to be at her boss' mansion. They have a little obstacle race. During the race, the other contestants are tackling Michael Keaton so he won't win.

This is almost similar to that. There's a reason we shouldn't complain that the SEC doesn't play up North. This is one of them. Next thing you know, they'll have snipers in the stands.

Panther Rants presents The Truth....Rutgers

A Half-Assed Preview: Pitt vs. Navy

Last season, we saw the Panthers lose an absolute heartbreaker to Navy in overtime. It was a bad game on the defensive front. Navy tore the Pitt defense for over 300 yards in that game. It reminiscent in that scene from "Animal House" where Kevin Bacon is bent over being paddle saying "Thank You Sir! May I have another?!?". You know just writing that last sentence, I just got a horrible visual.

The game itself was a horrible visual on the defensive front. Navy moved the ball at will while the Pitt defense just sat back and took it. On offense, Pitt put up 45 points....and lost. So how will it look on Saturday.

Pitt

Pitt comes off a bye week again. They haven't fared too well on bye weeks under the Wanny regime. They're 4-1 coming off a big win against tenth ranked South Florida.

Pitt's offense is powered by their running game. The running game has started to take hold in recent weeks and the offensive line is showing some promise. LeSean McCoy had a big game against Navy last year, and could be up for a repeat performace. Pat Bostick didn't have a bad game, but Bill Stull is now the quarterback.

Pitt's offense needs to repeat what they did last year: Score and score at will.

On defense, Pitt did a remarkable job of bitch-slapping Matt Grothe. This week, they'll face the dreaded triple option. This play did them in last year. This time around, the staff knows they'll need penetrate the Navy Offense and sink their battleship.

Navy

Navy is 4-2 with losses to Duke and Ball State. Their key win is the win over Wake Forest.

On offense, Navy is averaging over 300 yards rushing per game. They're led by a quarterback whom I will not spell out his name. They have a brusing running back in Erick Kettani.

On defense, they give up a lot of yards rushing and passing. One thing you can't do is make mistakes. If you do, their offense is back on the field making you pay for them.

Key Matchups

Navy Offense vs. Pitt Defense: Navy's offense had Pitt's number last time they met. Navy is small on the offensive line. Don't let that fool you. The type of offense they run, the linemen have to be smaller and mobile. This means you'll see the Pitt Dline move around a good bit. Expect to see Pitt use their depth on this line to keep their linemen fresh.

Navy can also sneak a pass or two so Pitt's secondary will have to stay alert and on top of their game.

Pitt's defense will have to torpedo their way through the Navy offense and keep the gains and possessions very minimal.

Pitt Passing Game vs. Navy Secondary: Navy made a fool of Riley Skinner when they played Wake Forest picking him off four times. Pitt can't afford to do the same thing. Stull is coming off his better games of the season. He needs to find his open receivers and not to force anything that could be costly. In other words, get screw up or we'll be on your ass in this blog next week.

Overall: On offense, Pitt needs to establish the run like they did last year. They need to keep scoring and not let the defense be so submissive like some skank in a bukakke film. In other words, don't let the Navy offense piss all over you. Let them dump their waste into the ocean instead. Bill Stull just needs to protect the ball and not make mistakes.

The coaching staff also can't afford punts from the 35. They've gotten better at that lately. Let's hope the program has learned a lot from last year's game.

Prediction: I'm not good at these. I'll predict Pitt 34 Navy 28.

The Big East Stock Market

Wall Street is having it's problems, but it did well as of Monday. So what if the Big East went on the market? What teams would be good to invest in? What teams to stay away from? Well let's take a look.....in no particular order......

1. Pittsburgh

Pros: Their stock plummeted after the loss to Bowling Green, but has made some significant gains since then. Their stock then rose significantly after the USF win, and could see more gains in the next two weeks. On the field, they're making progress every week. With the Big East on the down swing this year, a trip to Toronto is looking good.

Cons: They face Navy this Saturday and Rutgers the next week. Pitt has lost their last three to Rutgers and lost a heartbreaker to Navy in overtime last season. Navy is still Navy as always and Pitt will need to avoid losing to them this Saturday and take advantage of a Mike Teel led Rutgers team.

Advice: Pitt right now is a risky buy. They could go up or down in the next two weeks. If they go up, Pitt maybe 6-1 heading into South Bend.

2. South Florida

Pros: Their stock was high from start of the season...in our eyes. It took a loss in the game against Pitt, but should recover this week as they play Syracuse.

Cons: None here, they play Syracuse

Advice: Buy it for now.

3. UConn

Pros: They're off to great start. The Big East crowns looks like it's theirs to lose. Good running game and well coached.

Cons: They have some issues at quarterback for right now. Their stock took a loss after the UNC game.

Advice: They got Rutgers this week. Buy it now.

4. West Virginia

Pros: The Mountaineers usually do well in Big East play. Their stock didn't rise much after the Syracuse win, but should see gains in the as conference play is into effect.

Cons: They took a major hit with losses to ECU and Colorado. They have Auburn in two weeks and we'll see which head coach can out-dumb each other the most. Pat White has had some difficulty staying healthy and Pat Mcafee can't kick a short field goal.

Advice: Stay away.

5. Louisville

Pros: They look better than last year.

Cons: Their stock has been up and down all season. One week, it's the offense. Other week, it's the defense.

Advice: They have Middle Tennessee State this week. They gave the Cards a game last year. This may be a risky one to buy. Hell..buy it.

6. Cincinnati

Pros: They play good defense and they somehow manage to win games.

Cons: Fourth String Quarterback.

Advice: They're on a bye week before playing UConn. Sell it now.

7. Syracuse

Pros: None here.

Cons: Too many to mention.

Advice: Don't buy. If you have any to sell, why did you buy any in first place?

8. Rutgers:

Pros: Greg Schiano is their coach and they beat Morgan State

Cons: Mike Teel

Advice: They have UConn this week. Don't Buy. If you have any, I hope you sold it before the season started.

SLAP 10!

This past week in college football, we had a wealth of slaps emerge. Let's see who made the honor roll.....

10. Auburn

So who are guys going to fire next? That win streak against Bama is in danger.

9. Rutgers

Cincinnati owns you...plain and simple. They're down to their fifth string quarterback and they still beat you. Enjoy Big East Conference play....no Morgan States on the schedule.

8. Clemson

I think this needs no further explanation. At least you're in the Top Ten in something.....

7. Georgia Tech

Great win over Gardner-Webb. Gardner-Webb sounds like it's a lawfirm instead of a University. As usual, ESPN will keep saying what a great conference the ACC is. 10-7 win....hmmmm.

6. Vanderbilt

You guys may have given Sylvester Croom some job security.

5. Missouri

Bad weekend for Big 12 teams ranked in the Top 5. In the words of Mike Gundy:

Chance at a BCS game or Title Game: "THAT AIN'T TRUE!"
Chance at Big 12 Championship: "THAT AIN'T TRUE!"

Why you're so hyped: "BECAUSE IT'S GARBAGE!"

4. Oklahoma

The punter faking that dive and then the injury turned out to be bad karma for you guys. Texas rolled on you and the rest was history. You guys got beat by a QB named "Colt". I mean this kid is something out of a "Raising Arizona" movie.

3. Big East Officials

Great job doing the North Carolina-Notre Dame game. Now us Pitt fans know what to expect when we come to South Bend. Don't worry, we don't forget the WVU game last year. We're used to being screwed over by you guys. I swear the referee was on the verge of tears when he had to announce that it was a fumble and the ball belonged to UNC. Again, you tried hard to screw the other team. It didn't work. Try something else.

2. Ricky Jean-Francois

So you make this comment about hitting Tim Tebow like a car wreck without a seatbelt. You know they have airbags in cars these days. I guess that's why Tebow dominated your pals while you sat at home with a sore vagina. Way to back up the smack talk.

1. Michigan

It just keeps getting more funnier for Rich Rodriguez. First loss to a MAC team. It couldn't have happened to a better coach and a program. The Nittany Lions are waiting for you at State College. If you think losing to Toledo was bad, you're about to be crushed this next game. As for WVU, they're not doing any better.

BEST DAMN WLAT SHOW....PERIOD.....

Kevan Barlow: Welcome to the "Best Damn WLAT Show". Coach Harris is out this week so I'll be filling his spot because Paul Rhodes hasn't been fired yet. Rod Rutherford is here with me doing the co-hosting.

Rod Rutherford: Thanks for having me back, Kevan. I was surprised to be invited back after our debacle at Filthy McNasty's which I take responsibility for.

Kevan: What the hell do you mean? Wait a minute...you didn't run into any old classmates down there again? I don't remember much from that weekend. Where's Tyler at?

Rod: Walt benched him for this week's show. For the record, I didn't run into any old classmates.

Kevan: Whoa..whoa....Tyler got benched?

Rod: Yep.

Kevan: For what?

Rod: Well he joined us as the bar to watch the game and started making fun of Bill Stull. Then Bill made some big plays and Pitt won the game. During the game, you fed him Jager Bombs. He was so amped after the game, you started ribbing him about Stull beating a better opponent than Tyler ever did.

Kevan: Ok...so...what happened....he get into a fight?

Rod: Worse.....He left the bar and came back dressed in his 2004 Pitt Uniform..helmet and all. He ran around the bar stiff-arming people, throwing darts like he was re-enacting a past football game, and he DDT'd a frat boy.

Kevan: Wow....wait a minute......I just received a text message from Walt. It reads:

Kevan,

I heard a rumor that you might have a certain guest on the show that I may not approve of. If you do this, you will be hanging out with Tyler in the dog house. Bertie Higgins is about to take the stage. I will see you when I get back.

Rod: Well, there goes that idea. We have no guest for the show. I can call up Rasheed Marshall. I know he ain't doing a damn thing.

Kevan: Sheed's a hoopie. That ain't gonna work here. Rosie Bynes just emailed me the other day about coming on the show.....He's learned to walk again since that nasty punt return he took at Miami in 2002.

Rod: That wasn't a punt return......

Kevan: Oh yea...then again...Shelly Anderson expressed inter.....

Rod: Oh hell no! You realize I had a restraining order against her?!? The chick was on my sack big time. I used to receive love letters....and other...types of photos.

Kevan: Photos...like...dirty ones?

Rod: Yeah, that's why I took so many timeouts. I couldn't get those images out of my head in 2003 when taking the snap.

Kevan: Yeah...I'll come out of the closet..and admit...I was one of her favorites too. It ruined my career.

Rod: It made you fumble?

Kevan: Yeah......Those images would pop in my head...and I would just drop the football.

Rod: She liked Walt too. I'm surprised Walt was never affected by her.

Kevan: It's Coach Harris we're talking about. He had some pretty low standards. I mean he picks up ladies at Denny's for Wlat's sake!

Rod: So what about our guest?

Kevan: Well since we can't have him on the show....I have our guest on speaker phone. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Pat Hoderny.

Hoderny: Hey guys, long time no see! I love the show. I watch it when I get a chance.

Rod: Oh man, Walt's gonna kill both of us when he gets back.

Kevan: Calm down, Pat is not our guest. I just dialed his number by accident.

Rod: Good to have you on the show, Pat. How about this fall weather?

Pat: Oh it's a drag man. It's gonna be winter real soon, but it's football season and Pitt's 4-1.

Kevan: I guess we can say you love Summer the best of all seasons?

Pat: Summer? Oh I f***in love Summer! Man she was......

Rod: Yeah and I think we just ran out of time. It was nice having you, Pat. Hey Kevan, hang up the phone man.

Kevan: Sorry, I just couldn't resist asking that question.

Rod: Let's just hope Walt doesn't find out....


( To be continued......)