Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Local Pitt Fan Betrayed By Wife Over Mysterious Indiana Jones Spoon
Pittsburgh, PA --- A local Pitt fan was betrayed by his wife today in her efforts to prevent the local Pitt fan from acquiring all three Indiana Jones Glowing Spoons. Knowing that the local Pitt fan already had the Red Glowing Ant Spoon hidden away and was expecting receipt of the Yellow Glowing Skull Spoon in the mail, the Pitt fan’s wife knew it was only a matter of time before he would acquire the third Green Snake Spoon. Had this been accomplished, all three spoons would have been united for the first time, making it likely that the Pitt Fan would have garnered the ability to control the world. In fact, the Pitt fan knew the whereabouts of the Green Snake Spoon, which was recently stolen from him by the devious bride and given to the Pitt Fan’s children because “they were getting upset”. The local Pitt Fan had located the stolen bounty, and was simply biding his time to take back his rightful treasure in anticipation of receipt of the third and final Yellow Skull Spoon. Unfortunately, when the Yellow spoon arrived in the Pitt fan’s absence, it too was quickly delivered to the children, thus irresponsibly giving them two spoons and potential powers well beyond their ability to control given their tender years. The local Pitt fan speculated that the wife feared that if he gained the supernatural power provided by the acquisition of all three spoons, he would have commanded her to accept the superiority of the upgraded clock radio which was purchased a few months ago over the dusty old relic of a clock radio to which she still desperately clings.