Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Xmas From Panther Rants!

The staff at Panther Rants would like to send you our holiday wishes. We've been slow on putting out new articles lately and that is due to many factors. Some of our writers have gone out to their share of booze, gambling, and hookers. It's all on Mike Price. One writer is hanging out with Ed Orgeron discussing Marlboros, Rick Neuheisal, RV's, and yaw yaw yaw. The rest are at Denny's with Wlat eating Grand Slams and getting tips on picking up the hentai tattoed waitress. Here are some other people we'd like to wish a Happy Holiday to:


It's always honorable to defeat a team like you. You guys get all the calls. Your coach cries more than a kid at Michael Jackson's house. Your players like to flop a lot. Let's also not forget your fans like to cheer when a player from an opposing team suffers a season ending injury. We can only imagine what cheer you'd come up with if that stripper actually did get cornholed not too long ago. Other than that, it was a great game. I think New York has almost a new stadium built with all the bricks you put up in the second half.

West Virginia

It's amazing how one game can really change things. You lost a shot at the national title, you lost out on some recruits, your coach is so dejected he leaves for another coaching job, your current recruits are now thinking over their verbal again, Jimbo Fisher says no, and Terry Bowden is in the picture. Who in the heck would have scripted that? Yeah it happened to us back in 1981. At least you're still in a BCS Bowl...with a staff that's bombed and depleted like Afghanistan.

Anthony Smith

Yeah it's kinda off topic considering this is all about college sports. You went from guaranteeing a victory to becoming Tom Brady's baby's momma. Let's also not forget you earned your spot on the bench. Great Job.

Rich Rodriguez

We could have included him with West Virginia, but now that marriage is over and done. We still can't get over that game. Hell we can't stop smiling about it. You had an easy game over an opponent you clearly hate. Instead of putting Pitt our of their misery, you bitched it up and lost. Since you couldn't take the heat from that loss and the after-effects, you pack up and leave. You leave a place where you were worshiped 24/7. Considering your luck against a hated rival, we can only imagine how you'll handle Ohio State.

Penn State

Coach Parkhill has you guys off to a good start. Christmas came early for you guys. Your losing streak to Michigan may just end real soon.

1 comment:

Anthony "guarantee" Smith said...

I guarantee a Merry Christmas to the crew and readers of Panther Rants!

Keep up the good work, love the humor!