Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger

Pitt beat WVU on December 1, 2007. No, that doesn't tell the whole story. Pitt manhandled WVU on December 1, 2007. That game could have gone on an additional 3 days, and WVU wouldn't have been able to score, so thorough was the domination by the Pitt defense.

Yet, not long after the game, the whispers started. "Pitt won because Pat White was hurt". Yes, Pat White was hurt. Of course, those who whisper conveniently forget that WVU scored their only TD without Pat White, so it wasn't like Pat White was motherfucking Moses out there, leading WVU to the promised land. But gradually, as 2007 turned to 2008, the whispers changed from "Pat White was hurt" to "Patrick White missed more than half the Pitt game because of injuries".

First, Pitt inured his china doll ass. Second, he didn't miss more than half the game. Third, when the hell did he start going by Patrick? A few mistakes with the facts is ok, but last night, watching the Fiesta Bowl, I reached my egregious error limit. Pat Haden, also known as the prissy leprachaun who does Notre Dame games for NBC, said that WVU lost the Brawl because Pat White missed more than half of the game.

Hey Pat, you lazy ass, no research doing grundle. For the last time....PAT WHITE DID NOT MISS MORE THAN HALF THE PITT GAME.

WVU ran 56 offensive plays. Pat White was the QB for 43 of them. Granted, I didn't go to U$C like you did, but I'm fairly certain that 43 divided by 56 equals 0.767. Meaning, Pat White played MORE THAN THREE QUARTERS OF THE OFFENSIVE SNAPS. To further debunk this myth, he hurt his NON-THROWING THUMB. WHAT WAS HE GOING TO DO WITH THAT THUMB TO BE MORE EFFECTIVE? HITCH A RIDE TO WHEELING?


Can we please put this unpleasant urban legend to rest now?

7 comments:

Wlat 3:16 said...

here, here. pat white is a hippie that fucks dogs.

Anonymous said...

That is an unfair statement. He fucks less than half of the dogs he encounters.

MAKE PLAYS! said...

WVU broke down, Pitt played out of their minds.

Wannstedt and Rhoads coached with poise and tact, Rodriguez choked on applesauce.

PUCKER PUCKER PUCKER!

Harry Rheems said...

WVU sucks large penis!

Pat Hayden said...

Hey I can cypher with the best of them!!

Anonymous said...

is it true that the rental car of rental car fame in fact moonlights as the coach of the jacksonville jaguar jagoffs?

Anonymous said...

No purely Urban Legend!