Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Slap 10!

Another week gone from College Football. As usual, we look at this week's screwups. There were a wealth of them from college coaches to college players. Let's take a look at the list.....

10. UAB

70 points surrendered this past weekend. With Bama doing well, no one really notices in your home state....except for us. Well..basketball season is ahead.

9. Oderick Turner

The announcers said they wouldn't trust you with a newborn....ouch. Hell there's a lot things we wouldn't trust you with.....being a waiter, a pizza delivery guy, a stockboy, a starbucks coffee server, and the list goes on. To give you credit, you made a nice play on that 4th and 1. I think defensive back may have been a better option for you. You tend to be the 12th guy on the field for opposing defenses.

8. Tulsa

This puts an end to any Conference USA hype. A loss to a bad Arkansas team officially ended your BCS hopes. Good luck against whatever Big East team you'll play in your bowl game and continue to boost everyone's fantasy football scores.

7. Nebraska

Yeah...it's going to take some time. When you're subjected to Bill Callahan, Steve Pederson's wrongdoings, and Larry the Cable Guy....then it's long road to recovery. Almost like Amy Winehouse going to rehab.

6. Phil Fulmer

This will be your last visit to the Slap 10. Not to pile on..because you're fat enough as it is, but the 90's were pretty good to you. Just ask MC Hammer, Alternative Music, Vanilla Ice, Boy Bands, Dallas Cowboys, etc. The 90's were good to them. In the new millenium, you showed us many of your assclown moments. Go have drink with Johnny Majors.

5. Charlie Weis

Way to manage that 17-3 lead Pitt spotted you on Saturday. 1-3 against teams .500 and over. Your attempt to bring ND back to glory may end up just like your bypass surgery that tried to make you skinnier.

4. Marcus Sims

RJ English called, he wants to know if you'd like to hang out. Tim Worley is calling as well. I'm not sure if he still likes to party. Then again, he was the Bobby Brown of Georgia football.

3. Georgia

Great showing on Saturday. The SEC is really a tough conference this season. The only thing you manage to do was to launch Florida into the national title picture. Another reason PSU fans are pissed.

2. Minnesota

Great play call at the near end of regulation. Great throw by your quarterback. When you throw an interception, it usually helps to tackle the guy with the ball. I can't believe no one can't beat a team full of midgets in your conference.

1. Louisville

You're number one this week because Greg Robinson has owned you the past two seasons. Once Bobby Petrino left, the golden age of Cardinal Football went with him. On a good note, you'll be heading to Heinz Field this Saturday where Pitt has had a hard time winning.

2 comments:

Yeti said...

My friends didn't understand why I drink so much. I invited them to watch the Pitt/ND game with me. They no longer question anything I do.

Can't wait to make the 3.5 hour drive to see what Wanny and crew have in store for us. Between Pitt and L'ville I will laugh and cry during many of the plays.

He who once took you to bowl games said...

Hey remember last year?

You guys really got to the UL fanbase with the Timmy/retard routine.

They are still bringing it up!

Keep up the humor!